I am SO awkward at work, vol. 37

So apparently $3,000 was stolen from the company via something to do with PayPal, and Boss #2 was faxing something next to me and said he’s nervous it was an inside job. Since I am the awkwardest person ever, I immediately sputter “Wow it TOTALLY wasn’t me, I could never do that. I mean not only because I’m honest but I’m just like the worst liar ever…and I’m NOT at ALL wily enough to ever do something like that on the INTERNET!” He snorted his phlegm as per usual, gave me his usual lecherous/piteous smile and walked away, probably to call the cops on me after telling them I essentially confessed. Sigh.

I HAD A GENIUS PARAGRAPH HERE ABOUT BEING ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM IF I WAS BORN TODAY. THEN I TRIED TO PUBLISH THE POST AND IT GOT DELETED. I AM SO MAD THAT THIS IS HOW THOUGHTS ARE ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH MY HEAD RIGHT NOW. IN POINTY ALL CAPS. Seriously I want to stomp and throw a tantrum...

Anyway.

I work in a hallway. That's pretty much how I introduce myself: "Hi, I'm Allie, I hold grudges, oh and I work in a hallway?" This means that people often stop and talk to me. In most situations, I EXCEL at ending conversations by walking away at a good time (not always- I've had many a moment where the conversation clearly died 42 seconds ago and I'm still standing there talking about poop- but no one's perfect). But when I'm at my desk, I have home court disadvantage, which means that if I want to end the conversation all I can do is helplessly look at my computer to imply that I have something to do, when really I'm just sick of talking/can't figure out what to say and your lingering presence makes my soul chafe. And all that's on my screen is People.com and the papers in front of me are lists of the inventory in my freezer because I love to menu plan/make lists/try my handwriting in fun new ways. So yes, I must now get back to my work judging Blake Lively's outfit and plotting broiled tilapia.