Pinkish-Purple Bedroom Confessions

Because I can't afford taxi cabs.

So I recently acquired a dandy refurbished iPod, a situation which I'll entitle "The best thing that has ever happened to my pathetic running career." With the motivation of music, I can now run 0.7 miles rather than 0.5 before my left knee breaks off and I melt into my own sweat and die. Let it be known I was not an iPod v-card holder before this magical occurrence. I had a first generation iPod that I got for my 19th birthday, and after a good three years of life, it pooped out. Convinced that I'm not one of those "music snobs" or "boring people" who constantly need tunes blaring in their ears because they don't have the mental capacity to create their own entertainment (because getting your jollies from staring out train windows and imagining people getting pizza pies thrown as them is mature and intellectual thinking), I didn't replace it. Read: I don't like to spend money on things that are not wearable or don't come in cheese-melted-on-bread form.

But on Friday, I remembered why I so adore the iPod. I always run with it on shuffle, but this time THE best playlist kept forming. And then I had what can only be termed a playlistgasm as, right after "Gimme Just One Night (Una Noche)" by 98 Degress (mmm hmm. Judge away) ended, I hear the one and only Sisqo telling me "Hold up" and I knew, I KNEW, it was Lil Kim time.

So yeeeep CONFESSIONZZ I'm a small little white woman from the suburbs, and my role model is Lil Kim. Why? Because she is a sexual mama and embraces it. Because she made a career for herself with lyrics that, when broken down, are basically just "GO DOWN ON ME FOOL!" And oh, fool will. Because Lil Kim gets what she wants; she can make a Sprite can disappear in her mouth, and that's my definition of power.

In my Human Sex class we learn how important it is to be a sexual person, to take pride in our sexuality and help others realize their own sexual potential. It's the only way to get what we want in bed (and some could argue in life). And the one and only Kimberly is not afraid to demand what she wants, without even the slightest blush. I mean,

"Puerto Rican papi, used to be a deacon
Now he be suckin me off on the weekend" ???

Pure. Poetry.

I used to argue with my super conservative ex-boyfriend constantly because he thought her music was terrible and slutty and distasteful and incredibly harmful for women. I argued the opposite, that if more women embraced the power of their sexuality and demanded orgasms 'round the clock, we'd be a happier and more productive society. And "How Many Licks?" is such a prime example! You get the melodious voice of Sisqo, a great representation of diversity (a white dude- his name was John, the Puerto Rican papi, the BLEEEP from down south, Tony who was Italian, and the black dude we'll call King Kong) superb descriptive language ("a hurricane tongue"- genius!), and, well...you get 15-year-old me and my friend Ali listening and looking at each other asking "Is this making you horny?" "...aaaabsolutely" and come on, every girl needs that sort of bonding moment.

If Lil Kim knew the fan she had in me she'd probably laugh and maybe want to jump me. And I think that makes me love her even more.