Slapping my forehead and grunting, "My GOD I am so white" has become a daily occurrence. Like when I find myself saying things like, "My dad gets so pissed when the cleaning ladies move his scale and the calibration gets all whacked out" or "I can't believe the dog groomer didn't put a bandana on Dodger- good thing we have three just lying around!"
Nothing makes me feel whiter than listening to "Sexy Can I" by Brandy I-Accidentally-Plowed-Into-Another-Car's younger brother, Ray J. The first time I heard the line "Sexy can I, visit you at work?" I immediately thought of this scenario*:
Ray J. enters his lady friend's office building hiding flowers behind his back. She sees him out of the corner of her eye from her cubicle. While taking off her adorable work glasses and straightening her blazer, she rushes towards him with a big hug/kiss for being so thoughtful.
Too bad the next line is:
"While you slide down the pole no panties no shirt." Right. Don't think Bob McArthur in HR would find that appropriate.
Next:
"I make it rain in the club." This was actually the first time I ever heard this expression, and the first thing I thought of was everyone frantically trying to cover their Chi-straightened hair after the overhead sprinklers came on, running and screaming and causing general chaos a la the Mean Girls scene after the Burn Book turns the junior girls into reglur ol' jungle animals.
Finally:
"Got a girl at the crib, we can take it to the mo-mo." At first listen I thought he was suggesting taking his date to the MoMa. As in the Museum of Modern Art. Mmm hmm. That's right.
WHAT THE HELL IS A MO MO?
*I'M NOT ACTUALLY RACIST ALERT*
Let it be known that I always imagined these scenarios taking place with Ray J. and his African American lady love. Let's just clear that up. I'm not trying to imply that only white people can do certain things like work in cubicles, receive flowers mid-day, visit museums and use Chi irons. I'm just tres naive for assuming an employed woman featured in a hip hop song isn't automatically a stripper. My bad.
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