Thought Nubs

- You know when you have $10.75 in your pocket, and then it's gone, and you can never get it back, and you're oh so sad about it? This phenomenon is called "The Time Traveler's Wife." It's easily avoided by STAYING AWAY from your local multiplex.

- At this point in my life what I hate more than anything is that Facebook banner ad "Obama Asks Moms to Return to School" (oh, and financial aid is available to those who qualify). WHY is the grainy graphic a woman doing sit-ups? How does that exemplify the college experience (ok, maybe other people worked out in college and didn't sloth their days away eating Asian-inspired microwave noodle soups while watching Full House reruns)?? More importantly, Obama surely doesn't think that the average stay-at-home mom is sweatin' to the oldies at the gym all day in lieu of learning the philosophies of the world's greatest thinkers and all that, and whoever created this ad is a piece of shit who thinks this will attract people. Like, "Oh golly, although I do love staying home with my 18 children and sculpting my abs because no other B-roll was available, if our president thinks I should return to school, let's make that my goal this week!" -Michelle Duggar. I mean, has Obama ever said anything about education of the mom masses? I feel like it might even be libel. Is it sad that I don't remember the exact definition of libel? I know I'm not articulate about this argument, and even if I was it makes no sense that this banner ad drives me so outrageously insane (I think it's just that all ads that appeal to the lowest common denominator, expecting to succeed, drive me mad. Like when some weiner Repubs put up billboards around Miami advertising the wrong day to 'get out and vote!' Okay that's different, probably a crime, but...let's just say the world would be a better place if all advertisements centered around bread products), but especially the fact that I'm watching One Tree Hill at the same time doesn't help my cause. Mini-nub: WHY does no one on One Tree Hill have parents?? Seriously! In high school, I came home after school, binge ate cheese products and Cup a Soup, had tea with my mom and told her about my day, then had a nice family dinner. But then again that's probably why I didn't get pregnant, like all characters on One Tree Hill, or try hard drugs, like all characters on One Tree Hill, or end up with a murderous stalker, like, you guessed it, all characters on One Tree Hill. Oh, and why did Lucas frost his tips in 2006?

- When you buy multiple items at a store, are they taxed individually, or at the end once all added up? If it's the latter, would the total be equal to if it was the former? IE, do the little tax bits add up to equal the big tax? I know this is perhaps the most idiotic question I've ever asked and the answer is probably known by the average 8-year-old. Nor will it make me any more pleased to pay taxes. But it's plaguing me, almost as much as the fact that I can't remember the correct words to the shehekianu.

- What do you do if you share your name with a heinous celebrity? Totally serious query here. What if my name was Nadya Suleman, and I wanted to apply for a job at say, Deuche Bank? I'd put something like "Nadya Suleman- Not Octomom!!!!" on my resume title. But then no one would take me seriously for overusing the exclamation point, but how else do I get the point across that no, I do not have 14 children, including a set o'twins and one/maybe 5 with autism. Although a potential employer might take pity on the kids and hire me. Hmm.

I am not a hugger. My friends and I weren't the huggy types in high school, where I think the hugging gene is thrown in the pool and either sinks or swims. But when I got to college, hugging was an expectation of social decorum. So many times I'd just smile, shift my weight between my feet, say "Waaaayyl....bye!" and scoot away and people would give sad, expectant confused puppy eyes like "whaaa, no hug?" But really, hugging just makes me uncomfortable. Which way do you lean? How long do you hold it? Do you do the 'haven't seen ya in ages, girlfrayn!' upper body wiggle hug? I read a New York Times article a few months back about how hugging is so common in some high schools it's considered a distraction to learning (and obviously a huge time waster) and it's been banned. My worst fears have been realized. Not that it was banned, but that hugging has become such a norm that it must be banned for the sake of humanity. Even worse is the hug-kiss. Lean in for a half hug, keep hands on their shoulders, bend in and do the kiss on the cheek. Now I have a super duper Bachelors of Science in Journalism, okay, but I CANNOT GET THIS RIGHT. My kisses are delayed . Our cheeks either don't touch, and we're pretentious wannabe French people, or they slam against each other like I'm threatening my bitch in prison. I go for the wrong side of the face. And of course, the biggest worry, the sound. My casual "oh haaaay Sue, it's been so long!" cheek kisses seem amplified to me, the "MWAAAA" sound carrying over into oblivion. Was it a wet "mwaaa?" A squeaky, prolonged "mwaa?" Either way, when I try to avoid it the situation worsens, and I make a sort of lip fart sound right in someone's ear. Doubt you're mourning how long it's been NOW, eh Sue? No but seriously I have a problem.