Allie n Stef 4L

So it's a well-kept secret (well, it waaas) that Joe's favorite song is Lady Gaga's "Poker Face." Because of this, plus a mix of boredom at work and intrigue about the lives of those people who are my age or younger and astronomically more successful than I am or will ever be, I've become mildly obsessed with learning about one miss Gaga. Oh, I'm also fascinated by anyone who wears a poncho made of Kermits the Frog, or a dress made out of sparkly corrugated cardboard stolen from a high school production of "Anything Goes," or a hat of brown bird feathers that looks like a prop from Star Wars, and then tries to act like a serious person. Here's what I learned: We are the same person. Read on.
1. First off, her name is Stefani, so this is how I'll refer to her. Because she's 23. And I don't have to call her by her royal name because we're the same age, duh.
2. She's not only my exact age but she's from Yonkers, which is 20 minutes away from me, so I'm totally positive I've bumped into her before in elementary school at Claire's or Food Emporium and thought 'DAMN that girl's got style, check out those flyKeds!' (also, I don't really get the breathy, British-lite accent she puts on in interviews. Westchester, hun. Be true to your roots!)
3. I, too, love Muppet characters and their ability to keep me warm, although I always prefer Grover in stuffed-animal-hugged-close-to-body-during-thunderstorm form over Kermit-as-Clothing.
4. From Wikipedia, "Gaga went on to write her first piano ballad at thirteen and began performing at open mic nights by the age of fourteen.[6]" At thirteen I, too, was writing intensely analytical speeches on my Torah portion and performing at a little open mic night let's call my Bat Mitzvah. Both performers at a young age, check!
5. "She moved out of her parents' house and started performing downtown, in the Lower East Side club scene with bands Mackin Pulsifer and SGBand.[11" OMG I also moved out of my parents' house! And I'm Jewish so my ancestry obviously lies in the Lower East Side and she totally partied and performed where my great-great-grandfather Sy sold dill pickles from a tub on the side of the road.
6. "By 2008, Gaga had relocated to Los Angeles, working closely with her record label to finalize her debut album The Fame.[12]" By 2008 I, too, had relocated to Southern California to work closely with the powers that be to finalize plans for The Cleaner Weiner and Mark O'Witz's, the Jewish-Irish deli that will someday make me rich.
7. Her song lyrics definitely embarrass her mother. My sex column/childhood songs about private parts/lifestyle choices consistenly embarrass my mom too!

So this may be where the similarities end. But Stef, that feeling when you look in the mirror and see me and get really confused, just know that I feel that way too sometimes and it's totally normal and if all else fails I hear Akon is a great listener.

I'll be looking for you by the sensitive-ear section of Claire's, old friend.