Yeah, I'm awkward...but so are you

1.
Scene: Last night in research methods
Actors: Me and Not-As-Hot-Hot-Mom, otherwise known as the woman who yelled out the right answer when I got it wrong, otherwise known as wears a fuzzy black scrunchie and has a somewhat inscrutable age.

NAHHM walks into the classroom holding a sparkly silver Neiman Marcus gift bag with a present poking out. Feeling friendly, I walk over to her, body language OVER THE TOP (this is important), point to the present and say in a sing-song voice, "For me?!! You SHOULDN'T have!" and giggle.

NAHHM: "Um, actually...it's uh, for Kerry*?" She looked exceedingly uncomfortable.

~ sound of record screeching to a halt~

I don't know man, I'm just at such a loss here. Did she think that I, who had never said more to her than "Hi, how are ya?" would ACTUALLY expect a random gift? Or that anyone would react so overzealously to a gift? It was sooo clearly me joking. Has no one ever made a dumb, cute joke before? Yes, noting that she is a relative stranger and that I randomly approached her could make this situation come off as an awkward one on my part. I'll take that. But I see it as me being friendly and having a giggle with a woman who I see every week in a very small class. What's so wrong with being a goofball? I have a big personality. The whole thing just seems so obvious to me. I guess it just irks me because I felt awkward after, but I was just being friendly and making a ridiculously obvious joke. So she is the awkward one. There. I feel better now.

2. I really, really hate quiet talkers. (Yes, I also hate loud talkers, but quiet ones more) If you are called on, and all I see is your mouth moving, I sort of want to smack you. I hate being that obnoxious person yelling "Speak up!" in the back but seriously...can YOU hear the words coming out of your mouth? Quiet talking has its place: the train, the hospital, asking really urgent questions in mime school. But not when others are explicitly supposed to hear you. There. I feel better now.

3. Sometimes I wonder if Lady Gaga ever just feels...silly. I'm not talking about the kermit poncho or near-constant leotards. Those are fierce. More fierce than Tyra putting on a fat suit and getting real**. I'm talking lyrics***. I found myself singing along to the beginning of "Bad Romance" and feeling like an absolute turd. Go ahead, try it. It sounds like you're having a seizure. I have these images of Lady Gaga penning the lyrics, like "Ok, hmm, this jibberish sounds good here, no, scratch that, replace it first with this mumbo jumbo- you're totally fired, Peter- add my name here, some fake French, and tada!" Or when she yells things like "Cause I'm a freak BITCH baby!" Gagz, your parents are listening! SHH!!


* The present recipient's name is Suzanne. I know this. We had involved introductions. NAHHM gave the present to a woman whose name is Suzanne, and she called her Kerry. Is that her nickname? Like, hey, I'm Allison, call me Rebecca?
**Sorry, I can't associate fierce with anything except Tyra. Or Uncle Scar, who, the more I think about it, is definitely gay.
*** Ra ra bo ba baaah ro ma roma na Allison ooh lalaaa...