The Old Man and The Tree

Here is how this entry was supposed to go:

"I think the hardest part of wedding planning thus far has been trying to find a rabbi who I see fit to officiate at the ceremony. I want a jolly old man who looks the part of a rabbi but isn't so religious he wont co-officiate with Catholic clergy. I will probably end up settling on a woman, even though she wants me to cover my shoulders. Which is so obviously not going to happen. Anyway, I figured out my ideal wedding officiant: Mysterious Cute Older Man Neighbor!

MCOMN is a jolly soul who lives a few streets down from me. I do not know his name or anything about him, just that he spends a LOT of time walking around the neighborhood. Not in a creepy, lurking or mentally disturbed way (I'm looking at you, gangly older woman who walks around Lauren's neighborhood from midnight-3am but isn't old enough to want to take her in and be like aww ma'am how can I help?), just like he's retired and loves to take the time each day to enjoy our lovely neighborhood. I usually see him twice each run. The first time we smile and give the compulsory "good morning" salute. But the second time, he waves his arms and grins like "I can't believe it's you again!" and I giggle and want to hug him because he's so unbelievably cute.

So yeah, in a nutshell the only reason I want him to officiate at our wedding is because he's cute and arm-wavy and I'm always on an endorphin high when I see him so I can't wait to get married and I project that onto him. But if he's actually an ordained rabbi, well, then all bets are ON LIKE DONKEY KONG. So I thought I'd draw the scenario for you so you can sort of understand what I'm talking about. And here is what I came up with:



There are SO MANY THINGS wrong with this picture I don't even know where to start. First, I am supposed to be running towards him, and clearly that didn't work out as planned. I can't even blame this on the difficulty of using Paint. I just have no ability to portray motion adequately in my art. My art. "Lol."
Second, if this drawing is to scale, I'm an eight-year-old, 56-pound dainty butterfly and he's a 7-foot-tall sea monster on the attack.
Thirdly, in my attempts to bring MCOMN to life in a drawing, he has basically turned into early-90s Will Smith. What should be basic black pants-that-aren't-jeans and a light winter coat now looks like a super awesome rapper track suit from the days of "Parents Just Don't Understand." But neighbors do! And in an attempt to show his adorableness, I basically made him halfway through the "SUCK IT!" gesture, or arms up yelling "HAY BAY-BEEEE" while chasing after me.
Fourthly, it's really hard to draw hats, ok? He doesn't wear his cap sideways. He wears it in the front like a normal proper elderly neighborhood walking gentleman. And I don't run wearing berets. Glad that's understood.

So...how do I ask him? :)