So I’m pretty much terrified of being a real adult. I.E., what happens when I have children who depend on me, or when my parents die. Seriously without my mom around, who will I call when I'm scared that I pooped out a weird white object that was actually just a part of the toilet that broke off at a strangely coincidental time? Complicated taxes; medical records; arranging childcare; carpooling. UG! I'm too selfish to ever be older than almost-23 with no severe responsibilities besides keeping a house clean, calling my grandma a few times a month and not driving my car off the road when daydreaming about melted cheese.
I've always assumed I'll take a husband. But here's a sorry fact- men die before women. Right now I feel like if my husband died and we were old I'd totally pull a Romeo and Juliet scenario and poison myself or carbon monoxide it up in the garage with the car running. Of course because life is agonizing without him (cross fingers). But more because I fully intend on whoever I marry taking care of what I call Life Paperwork. That ranges from taxes to insurance to our kids' eventual FAFSA forms. I'm completely capable of these tasks, I just hate paperwork. Anyway, when hubby kicks the can, and it's up to me to manage the odds and ends of wrinkled, sexless, slow-moving, creaky-hipped older adulthood, it's off for me, too! My children will think it's because we can't live without each other and I needed to join him in the afterlife right away. "How romantic!" they'll say. "It's just like in that classic film The Notebook that mom made us watch 98 times to learn sensitivity and the true meaning of endless love!"
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