So I’ve been thinking that to increase readership I should make this a specialty blog. So I wondered to myself, “What are my real passions? What could I write about, what do I think about, all day, every day?” I narrowed it down to two options. "My Boring Life That I Find Fascinating And Wonder Why No One Cares When I Babble On About New Healthy Dinner Creations and Being Slighted By Strangers On the Street" and "Erosion." I am mesmerized by erosion. How just the movement of water over time can slowly shave away at a mammoth rock structure. How graceful canyons were formed solely by rushing currents. And don’t even get me started on how potholes form. Utter brilliance of nature. Yet sadly for you reader(s), the winner is My Boring Life, because there’s just more opportunity for creativity. And let’s face it, a blog about erosion, while unique, wouldn’t exactly draw in them readers like a magnet. Which leads to today’s entry, Why I Love Bridezillas (on the WE network):
Essentially, this could be summed up by “I find entertainment in screaming fat women who lack interpersonal skills and, it could be said, souls.” I watch one fat trainwreck after another sob and scream her way onto everyone’s shitlist- nothing is good enough, nothing is to her liking, no one cares about her feelings or has any sympathy for her. You may have noticed my assertions of obesity. It’s because 98% of the time the whining, bitching bride is fat. And reinforces the fat-people stereotype of no self-control. You never see the couples having fun. The man always seems so miserable and he essentially cowers from his bride-to-be. You wonder why he hasn’t run. Doesn’t he fall asleep nightly thinking “This hell is the rest of my life?” Yet sometimes the men are even kind, supportive and....somewhat attractive (although they rarely boast lucrative careers- yet they're all about 23 so you never know!).
My favorite Bridezilla was the one who was even more humongor than normal but, unlike the typical 130 pound bride who works her ass off to be 110 pounds on her wedding day, didn't care at all about losing weight. In fact, to this end she made sure her entire bridal party met a weight minimum of 200 pounds so she would look the best. In her words, "If I wanted good looking people in my wedding party I would have asked my family!" Classic television. Seriously. She's in competition with the woman whose fiance's family wasn't down with a murder-mystery themed reception, ie moving from table to table like playing Clue, and she stomped around yelling "Your family is SO STUPID!" for four hours. Yeeeeep.
Mostly, I watch Bridezillas because it gives me hope. If you are morbidly obese or ugly, you can get married. If you have no personality- except an entitled, demanding one that is- you can get married. If you spend your life criticizing people, you can still get married- and they’ll all somehow be there for you to bring you fries on your special day! Yes, even if you are a soulless wench who does nothing on earth but take up valuable resources, YOU TOO can still get married. You just have to lower your standards. Or coerce an equally fat and ugly man that he can’t do better than you.
Yes, in conclusion, I love Bridezillas because it makes me feel skinny, brilliant, caring and thoughtful. And who doesn't love dipping the chicken into that joy tub?
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