I Talk To Cute Guys About My Word of the Day Calendar

So Lauren, Leah and I enjoy going to the local upscale bar/lounge in our town because the drinks are good. And the ambiance is lovely. Oh, and because the three of us, all spoken for by high-quality, gracious, loving men, have massive face-crushes* on the bartender and take pleasure in flirting shamelessly with him. He made quite an interesting comment last night: "People don't pay prostitutes for sex. They pay them to leave." Now, in my semi-drunken state, this was THE WORLD'S GREATEST EPIPHANY. My eyes lit up as the pieces clicked together. I demanded high-fives from him 7-10 too many times. I mean, think about it. Getting any insecure, somewhat slutty girl at a bar to have sex with a guy isn't that difficult. But getting her to leave- no strings attached, no snuggles, no tip-toeing around until you half-heartedly ask for her number, no "so where should we get brunch tomorrow morning?"- is a feat. A prostitute's cache is not that she is having sex with you. It's that she's leaving you alone afterward. I thought this was the most genius thing I've ever heard. And I still, now sober, think it's pretty interesting. Thoughts?

And now, in a completely different direction, the more I interact with fathers, the more jaded I get. There is no Danny Tanner character in real life, shuttling kids to carpool and knowing their food allergies and disciplining them and making sure they eat and wear seasonally appropriate clothing. There is just a population of men who have absolutely no idea what to do about their children. Like when Henry's dad comes home before his mom and he kind of gives me a pleading look like "Do you have to leave before she gets back? I mean..." and my heart sort of breaks slash turns to ice. Today I was rudely awakened from a still-drunken slumber at 9:30 to babysit, which involved picking the girl up at temple, taking her home for a couple hours, then driving her back to meet her parents later. (They have requested stranger things.) Anyway, I'll sum it up with this: a mother knows what making two trips back and forth to temple and entertaining an 8-year-old girl and her friend entails. A dad shoves $20 in your palm and confidently says "that'll do it, right?" and you just have to grin and bear it because you're too awkies to negotiate. My mom always says that with a good supply of sperm and turkey basters, actually having men on earth is pointless (note: she and my father have been happily married for 30 years). I'm starting to understand...so many things...

*What's a face-crush? Well, I'm happy you asked. We all know what a baby crush is- when you have a little eeeeety crush on a guy, often in a way that you just sort of want to snuggle and/or pet him. You could have a baby crush on an old grandpa teacher, even. A face-crush is where you want to bone someone based solely on their looks, without ever having to know their personality. This is also referred to as "Superficiality," or "The way life works."