I Worry About A Lot Of Things

Like one time the woman in front of me leaving the library set off the alarm, and I for sure thought it was me even though I've never, not in my undergrad nor early graduate career, have taken out a book from the library. I had this image of library police running after me like STOP, MISS! And me sprinting yelling IT WASN'T MEEEE and darting into Grace Dodge Hall and getting tackled and strip searched for a library book while the REAL culprit got away. Now every time I walk through the library exit I squeeze my eyes shut and my heart beats really fast because I'm totally anticipating the alarm. Like how in high school Ali and Christina used to love to wait in corners and pop out at me because I'd jump like 4 feet in the air, and so I spent my entire high school career swinging my arms out around corners feeling for them and...I am going to die at 38 of an ulcer. Because when you worry enough, ulcers get frowny faces and teeth and KILL.

I also worry about lots of things pregnancy related. Not if I am. No, not anymore. If I suddenly got pregnant they'd have to make a new TLC show called, "Somehow I got pregnant by sitting on the couch watching Greek." Nope, I worry about things like, What if when I'm pregnant I get morning sickness while I'm driving? What if I don't have time to pull over and I get in a huge accident because you can't logically drive and puke at the same time? Will I have to spend my entire first trimester in the right-hand lane with my blinkers on, just waiting? And then I always wonder what would happen if I miscarried in a public setting. This is a serious worry. Television shows are portraying miscarriages more, which I think is good because 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and nobody seems to know this (!!), but they're always shown in the comfort of your home, in the middle of the night so you're already super comfy in your jammies when you go through what is probably the most traumatic experience of your life to date. But what if you're at work? Do you have to go to HR like "Um, I'll need to take the rest of the day/week off?" If you bleed profusely and need an ambulance the whole office knows and yes these are the things I worry about. In the bathroom at school today a girl next to me in the stall started mumbling "oh no, oh God no," and I figure she probably just had her period early, but I also thought omg what if she's miscarrying what do I DO? This is why marrying rich is good, you can spend your entire pregnancy on the couch eating ice cream and watching cable, not risking any discomfort or embarrassment. I think I'm going to get shot for my thoughts sometimes.