New Life Low

So there's something you need to know about me...I eat. I eat a lot. I binge (can be seen running from cabinet to cabinet when the urge strikes), I graze, I stuff m'self silly.

But you already KNEW that!

Anyway, one of my favorite things about babysitting is binge eating all their food when the kids are asleep. Well, my standards have taken a turn down pathetic lane recently. I used to steal food only while Henry was asleep. Then when he was in the other room. Now I downright pig out next to him and don't share. I really am a terrible person. This is especially bad because he is quite verbal and could easily say, "Mommy, Allison is always eating from your tub of $6 per oz. organic shelled pistachios"....or, "Mommy, Allison is constantly texting." Oops.

But today we hit a new low, my friends. After we got back from the park I pulled out a paper towel to fill with snack goodies to much on while we watched Busytown Mysteries in preparation for a nap (a nap that didn't happen. I deserved this.). On said paper towel (rule #1 of babysitting: NEVER leave evidence of your binge on dishware) I put a handful each of cheddar bunnies, TLC crackers, almonds, pistachios, raisins, chocolate covered almonds, veggie chips, leftover pasta from their fridge, random chunks of Thai-ish chicken leftovers in their fridge (low gets lower...), a partridge in a pear tree and just for good measure a small apple. We sit in front of the TV, Henry looks over at me, stares me in the eyes, and asks quietly:

"Do you have enough food at home?"

I looked at his pleading, pitying eyes. I looked at my heaping towel o'snacks. And I died a little inside. I am now the charity case of a 2-year-old. Someone save me.

On another "kill me now" note, I had two classes held online this week, with two separate assignments. One was on the future of the Internet. The other was "write about a funny sexual behavior" (I kid you not. We can pick through this one later, friends). Well, I have trouble staying on course, so halfway through my first post (I do it all in a Word doc so I can save then copy/paste), I started the sex one because I didn't want to forget my idea. I believe you can see where this is going...

"bla bla bleedi bla and that's where the future of the Internet is going.
The Bus Driver is when a man and woman are having doggy-style vaginal sex and he inserts a finger into her rectum, slowly turning it as if he's maneuvering a steering wheel. With his free hand he uses her breast as a horn, "honking" to let everyone know he's coming (take that as you will.
bla bla bleedi bla Internet Internet Internet."

Yes, still kidding you not, this is what my posting looked like for my Psychology of Media class. As soon as I realized my error (ohhh this morning after posting last night) I had a heart attack and posted an apology, begging the class to understand that I'm taking Human Sexuality Education and I didn't mean to offend anyone. So much for getting voted prom queen.