Magazine Design 101: Sure Beats Writing a Paper

And considering my paper is on a Wii video game and I'm making 99% of it up because my professor is not actually going to research the technical attributes of Wii controllers, this really shouldn't be such a mental calamity.
Anyhoo, in my early stages of wedding planning I've been buying the really basic wedding magazines (read: sponsored by local vendors and dress stores) to gather my thoughts and find vendors. Magazines like Martha Stewart Weddings and Modern Bride can't really interest me until I at least know where we're holding the damn thing and who's officiating. And I mean, no offense to you Ms. Stewart, but I doubt I'll ever care about exploring 49 new derivatives of ivory for my wedding table linens and then hosting a grand soiree to weave them with my bridesmaids over a locally-procured loom.
So the magazines I've been picking up are well...to say the least...not for the bride of means. As my mother said, "Why do you keep buying these bridal magazines meant for 17-year-olds with a bun in the oven?" Because moooom I want to see all the venue ratings duhh! And you just can't get that in a national glossy, DUH! But anyway, following the footsteps of Modern Bride and Elegant Bride, I now present to you, based on my research in the aforementioned magazines I've bought, the newest incarnation of bridal literature: White Trash Bride

Here are some sample story ideas! This sort of makes me miss working at a magazine...like 4%

Shine like the stars! Why everyone really does look best in pure white shimmering satin with ample beading

Got gel? Our point-by-point comparison of Dep vs. LA Looks will help you keep your bangs curled under and your updo shellacked until the sun comes up!

Home-y Moons: The Jersey Shore's got romance on the menu

Wedding Makeup 101: Make dark brown lipliner work for you

437 dresses for all ages and all stages of pregnancy, all under $499!!

Fettucine alfredo or penne marinara? With today's pasta bar stations available for your wedding, no one has to choose!

Tiaras and Plastic Gazebos: More really is more when every bride deserves to be a princess!

"My Wedding of 45,327 Rhinestones" How to make this woman's true story happen to you!

Yes, you CAN register for bullets, big screens and blenders at the same place!

Pre-Wedding Workout: Get rid of that stubborn back roll that hangs over your ill-fitting strapless dress!

"Your mine 4ever" and other beautiful wedding ring inscriptions to inspire YOU!

I haven't been this entertained in years. But seriously though, it's hard to describe a WTB. You just have to see her, whether morbidly obese and demanding on Bridezillas or in real life just demanding with an annoying voice and bangs halved down the middle and glued to each side of her face. When you meet her, score yourself an invite, because that wedding is bound to have the best fried calamari this side of the Hudson.