Thanks, grad school

So in order to graduate, I had to take a wee little research methods class. Groooan. Well I learned a lot, and I know this because I am seeing problems with EVERYTHING. Case in point: Charmin.

The new commercial for Charmin Ultra Soft claims that in studies, people "got the job done" in 7 sheets of Charmin versus 24 of that "other" brand. But where's the scientific rigor? For one, was there any way to verify that the poops were of equal status? You'd need identical poops to really be able to substantiate that- obviously if one is messier, more sheets will need to be used. And what about the wiping tendencies of the subjects? Maybe the one in the control group was normally a toilet paper waster, while the one in the Charmin group was an eco-conscious clean pooper? WHERE is the note on internal validity, Charmin? And are the results generalizable? What's this population like? White women? Latino men? Details, Charmin, mama needs details about your poop study! If I've never outted myself as a) a huge dork and b) disgusting, I think this did the trick.

I'm doing this in the den watching the Olympics with my family. My mom just asked if I was really typing this fast, which is a PERFECT SEGUE into my next topic. "People Over Age 35 Really Bother Me When They Use Computers." Have you ever watched a 50-year-old try to type? They go sooo slowly and deliberately, it just drives me mad. In the time it takes them to type w w w . y a h o o . c o m I have already checked my email, updated my facebook status, checked the weather, caught up on celebrity news via Perez Hilton, bought a new bathing suit, drooled over 5 restaurant brunch menus, Hopstopped my way through seven errands in Queens and figured out my BMI on Self.com. There's really just some invisible dividing line between "Adept with computers" and "I'm pulling out my hair watching you try to Google the nearest Applebees" and I think it's around 37. And then there's my mom. She types fast enough, but she gets very confused by the Internet. She doesn't understand that the Internet is the same, no matter where you are. For instance, she came downstairs today while I was on the elliptical to check her email. I was logged on, and she got really frustrated trying to find "Switch User" so she could log on and get on "her" Internet. She didn't even want to use one of her bookmarks or anything; just go to Hotmail! I had to explain that the Internet is the same on every computer, every time you cue it up, and she could go to Hotmail under my username. It was a revelation. And she works in IT!!! Gaaah old people/people who aren't me and hence are frustrating and slow.