Just got home from a wild night. Crazy karaoke, dancing, wild story telling, screaming and delicious munchies. Let me be more specific. Crazy karaoke and dancing was to a Disney Princess piano (and yes, I taught a 3-year-old the word "remix" and more importantly, the cool way to say it, "REEmix"). Wild story telling? Well, that Madeline and her 11 orphan ho sister friends DO get in trouble when they leave France on holiday. The screaming was courtesy of 13-month-old Elise and her inability to function without the comforting feeling of resting against her mother's bosom (seriously, don't they all feel the same?). Delicious munchies were Golden Grahams, Thin Mints, a fruit ice bar, honey wheat pretzel sticks, assorted dried fruits, butter almond thins, second helpings of all of the above, random dutch caramel cookie, two rosemary marcona almonds, and almost ALMOST a Babybel, but I have soooome restraint thank you very much. Oh, and then almost vomiting it up in the subsequent panic attack of realizing that my binge is completely and totally obvious in every food container that I've pawed through like a retarded bear during the last days of salmon season. My "leave no trace" rule has now turned into "Thorg Hungry, THORG want EAT!"
Since the night is still young, I thought it might be time for a pop culture roundup! And timely, at that!
1) I hate Heidi and Spencer and truly, truly hope they get divorced but in the worst most embrassing way possible, like he cheats on her with a wild boar (or an uber-Conservative religious transvestite) and she somehow gives him that old school avian bird flu that makes us long for the good old SARS days, from a lover who sexually transmitted it to her via a trip in her time machine, which she created because she has a degree from MIT. Wait...or better yet, just a mere "irreconciliable differences," because not having a way to get attention would drive the attention whores batshit insane.
2) Jon and Kate- STAY TOGETHER!! Not for love, but for co-parenting support! Do you want to have all 8 kids with you at once with no other parent? And what's with the poll on people.com regarding her hair? She clearly adopted the Allison "I don't care what the hell is going on 'round back, just make it look good in front goddamit!" mentality. And Kate, stick with it if only to have someone to roll your eyes at. And end sentences in prepositions with at of.
3) Pink and Carey Hart are back together. This does make me happy although come on, they're totally going to break up again. But for now, how awkward is it for her to sing "You're a toooooooool soooooo" in the audience to him?! That's like me and Nazi Mike getting back together and having a beatnik rap session with our hate poetry aimed at each other. I'll bring the bongos and lemonade, he's got the 'gat.' Too soon? Or me inviting Alex (Coach) to an art show, and OMG all the art is those magic marker signs me and Greer made that day sophomore year when we had broken up and to make myself feel better I scribbled " HAS 2 FRIENDS" and "NOT EVEN THAT CUTE" and taped them around my room.
4) Then there's Zooey Deschanel, with whom I have a whole COW fulla beef. Why? Because she's the new definition of a Triple Threat. No, she isn't trying out for A Chorus Line with a mean high kick, a booming mezzo soprano, dazzling chompers and a flawless double piroutte. But she's somehow an adorable comedic actress AND a legitimately talented singer (although I rue the day I heard that cotton commercial, because it lives in my head forever now), oh and ridiculously beautiful. Anyone who can make heavy, blunt-cut bangs seem like a fun new inspiring-for-spring-totally! idea should receive an award. And hers comes in the form of Allison's Jealousy. She'll frame it for life, I'm sure.
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