So in case you didn't know, on my resume in the "Special Skills" section, between "AP Style" (ie I own an AP Style Guide and know the order of the alphabet) and "Microsoft Excel" (um, just don't ever ask me to do anything more complicated than make a one-column list) is "Knows All Lyrics to Ludacris' 'What's Your Fantasy'." Really and truly. It makes me incredibly valuable in the modern marketplace.
Anyway, I was on a walk today, enjoying the 70 degree sunshine because it's a day that ends in Y in San Diego, and my song of songs shuffles into my iPod! What a pleasant surprise for a late afternoon walk! And then I realized it. After years and years of singing along only slightly ironically, I heard it for the first time. Ludacris does not say fuck:
"Back seat windows up, that's the way you like to fuh."
Are you kidding me? Are you eating Play-Doh, Luda?? E-n-u-n-c-i-a-t-e!! Clearly those dialect lessons from Britain's finest didn't take. While I was thinking about how I've essentially been fooled since sophomore year, I saw them: YMH- Young Mormon Hottaaaays. I immediately needed an exit strategy, as they've been canvassing the 'hood lately and my number is just about up. I don't know why I'm so ridiculously awkward, but I feel the need to basically dive behind bushes slash attempt to break into the nearest house to avoid them. I have these images of them approaching me and me backing away, stuttering, yelping, "Uhh I'm Jewish and I'm pretty happy with my religion thanks!!!"And of course in the process I'd trip over my feet and land in a puddle of shame. I'm just that deathly afraid of confrontation/hurting peoples' feelings/lying (because I like being Jewish, but it's not like I'm religious...they'd eat that right up and somehow convince me I DO need Heavenly Father). But what is it about Mormons? Why do they send out the hot young thangs? Am I seriously expected to see them, bat my lashes, nod excitedly about the angel Moroni and latterday saints and stuff whilst I forget my entire religious background because they're so. damn. adorable? I think that's why I run away. Because let's be honest- I'd fuh 'em!
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