See, I've been having weird dreams forevz

I think the first time I realized I might be mentally disturbed was in sixth grade, when I did a naked gymnastics routine for my Rabbi. Let’s start from the beginning. Sixth grade was a real turning point for me on all levels: I realized the importance of brushing my hair, that it really was gross to pick my nose and wipe it on the wall next to my bed and that telling kids Santa doesn’t exist really wasn’t a fair comeback to any insult about my drawing capabilities in Mrs. Shachner’s art class. That’s also when I realized I can have lucid dreams, i.e. I realize I’m dreaming and do crazy shit knowing that it’s all fake, and testing peoples’ reactions. I never had that terrified “naked in homeroom” dream (because I’m a geek, I did often and still do have that OMG I forgot my math homework in homeroom dream, but I recover pretty quickly). In my dreams, if I’m naked in a public area, it’s because I took off my clothes and decided to shake it.
First time this happened was, as I said before, in sixth grade. In my dream I was at Golden Apple Gymnastics practicing my fly Level 5 routine. For those who aren’t keen on the gymnastics world, Level 5 is essentially where you start out, and most of the routines are just dancing and smiling- no triple back Draraoihgsresas or anything. But I was doing my tumbling pass (roundoff back handspring back handspring WOO victory jump!) totally naked, trying to get the attention of my Rabbi, who was just jamming on his guitar by the beam lineup. Here’s where I’ll take a moment to self-analyze:
a) I was thrilled about my developing body (umm, who are we kidding, I didn’t get boobs until high school) and felt the need to show it off in its most limber form
b) I felt misunderstood and neglected in Hebrew school, and needed the Rabbi to see my gymnastics talents to really ascertain what a darn good Jew I was
c) I was one crazy fucked up child with a Rabbi complex who had read the book “Where Did I Come From?” one too many times.
Eh, pick your poison.
Seriously though, I in no way had sexual feelings toward my Rabbi, or anyone besides the one and only Paul Mignogna, in sixth grade. Nor did I ever feel the need or desire to shake my Limited Too bod with passion. Just to clarify.
Anyway, after a few rounds of flipping and shaking in his vicinity, he finally stopped strumming “Oseh Shalom” and slowly turned towards me with a bored expression.
“Allison, this is inappropriate,” he said calmly before going right back to jamming for the Jews.
Years later I was finally able to look the Rabbi in the eye again, even eventually go to his house to babysit his children- in fact, I believe I watched the 2004 Olympic gymnastics competition on his tv. Funny how life comes full circle, eh?