Life After Death- It's Killer!

I made a joke today about handicapped sex, which I thought was clever AND resourceful, and Joe’s deadpan reaction was that I’m going to hell. I know this. I started decorating my handbasket, readying it for my travel to hell, in third grade. Yet as a Jew, I don’t believe in hell persaaaay, but I do believe in one thing: Being a ghost!! I can’t WAIT to haunt the shit out of my girlfriends. I can just see it now, widowed Maddie in her flowered nightgown (jk- one of her 765 tie dyed Chi Omega shirts), lying in bed, clutching the sheets, white-knuckled in fear as I howl at her through the walls: “I knooooow what you did at the Bubbleeee,” “Don’t look into your mirrorssssss toniiiight,” “I’m iiiiin your cloooooseeeet.” Then I’d pop through the wall all “Haha, got you!” and we’d chuckle and binge on Cheez-its, only I wouldn’t gain any weight because I’m a ghost. Being dead is getting less terrifying every day!