I wont see "Bright Star" because Abbie Cornish is the star and she broke up Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe's marriage. Let's just make that clear. Anyway, as I'm watching the preview, I can't help but get in one of those mental knots trying to differentiate her from Debi Mazar. As in, the villain from Beethoven's 2nd. This woman could win Oscar after Oscar, solve world hunger or cure cancer but she will still be a puppy thief in my mind. So there.
So then I got to thinking about the Beethoven series. How, first of all, when you look it up on IMDB the first thing you get linked to is Jamie Foxx's ill-fated "The Soloist." Think with me now about the creative genius that was Beethoven. A poor-man's Steve Martin works in the foot odor industry (I mean, does anything attract kids' attention like stinky feet? Exactly). I was so intrigued by the fact that he and his wife, not in fact a poor-man's Bonnie Hunt but indeed the REAL Bonnie Hunt (thanks, IMDB, and sorry, Bon) named their daughter Rice. When I asked my mom in 1992 why the hell anyone would name their child after a simple carbohydrate, my mom suggested maybe it was after the very good college in Texas. Maybe that's where they met! Maybe Rice has a great program in odor eating innovation! And that is how I learned that there were other schools in the world besides Harvard, Hofstra, Case Western and Michigan. Alas, after further review of IMDB it appears the spelling is Ryce, and so the mystery continues.
Beethoven's Second deals with tough issues like date rape, girls whose bras are visible through their shirts and of course, the lucrative Black Market of St. Bernard dealings. I seem to remember her as a modern-day Cruella Devil, wanting to make St. Bernard-skin rugs and coats, but it turns out she was just using these purebred lovies as bargaining chips in an ugly divorce. See, even more tough issues that aren't easily resolved. God, thinking about this movie really made the 6-year-old in me grow up just now.
Ok, so if you think I'm sad for blogging about Beethoven, or feel bad for reading it, feel worse for this woman, who wrote this review:
"This isn't a bad sequel but it's unable to measure up to the first "Beethoven," which was an extremely likable film. This is still a "cute" film and one parents and all the kiddies certainly will like.It features a litter of St. Bernard puppies, and who doesn't go "aww" at the sight of little puppies, especially St. Bernard's? The puppies are the main story here, which turns into a "crime" story when "Missy" is dog-napped and the little ones also become endangered.I didn't think this was a "silly" story as there are some good morals and lessons to be learned, but it was a bit "sappy." I get a little annoyed, too, when animals are pictured as smarter than the humans. I'm sorry but, as much as you might love pets and hate some people, that just ain't so.Nonetheless, if you loved the first movie you'll find enough to like in here to enjoy it. If you thought the first film was just okay, you won't like this."
Why did she put every adjective in quotes?? St. Bernard puppies are cute to anyone with eyes. Dog stealing is most certainly a crime and is Missy allegedly her name?
Or perhaps pity the reviewer who posted a discussion thread "How ugly is Ryce?" that no one responded to, that's right, because Nicholle Tom was totally 1990s hot with her freckles, shiny bob and short-lived series "Phenom" that no one remembers but me. She hit tennis balls against a garage. Or something.
Sorry this entry lacks any humor and creativity. I am in extreme state of Joe missingness tonight, so much that "Every Breath I Take" a la Puff Daddy is really touching me right now. Joe, I'd give anything to hear half yo bref, I really would.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment