What I Like About Youuuu...nothing

My main pet peeve in the world is people who clip their nails in public. And how I can't effortlessly embed an awesome Legally Blonde clip into my blog. Aaaanyway, I don't even have words for how sickening it is. I find the clip clip noise as heinous as nails down a chalkboard, and thinking of all those flying bits of dead human cells in nail form...oh dear God. But today I discovered two new pet peeves.

Well, the first one isn't new per se (Weasley. If Joe read my blog he would laugh. Joe doesn't read my blog, cricket cricket). I've always had a 'thing' with slow walkers (see photo), if by 'thing' we are referring to vendetta or intent to kill. But I thought I was over it after high school (me 2000-2004: crazy short girl making concentration faces running to class basically leapfrogging the Ecuadorian kids with rolly backpacks gottagettoclassomg!). I thought college cured me. But no sireebob. Today I was walking from the subway to class (God, I feel so cool saying that...I know), fighting the magnetic pull to the Sweet Treat cart, when the sidewalk ended and we had to all corral ourselves into the covered scaffolded sidewalk thing. Y'all know what I'm talking about, and by y'all I mean Maddie, because she is my readership and she lives in the city and understands my inarticulateness. Inarticu...lance? I digress.

This basically means that you have to walk single file if people who dare walk in the opposite direction should need to get by. Which they do. Because it is New York City. So I'm walking along, halfway through the makeshift sidewalk, when I find myself approaching a typical Cool Lazy Girl in my lane. Just for reference, a Cool Lazy Girl is the kind of girl who goes to class in a sloppy (yet smooth and shiny) ponytail (why you gonna just shlop it up if you clearly spent time to blow dry it?) with thin sweats that fit just right and a North Face that will always look painfully cool to me and an awesome bag and...basically I aspire to be a Cool Lazy Girl. Anyway, it takes about 2.5 strides to realize how slow she's walking. Quick decision time: I could pull a total cheetah move and pounce around her, weaving back in just in time to avoid oncoming traffic. Or, to stay behind her I'd be walking awkwardly slow, looking ridiculous having to practically come to a complete stop, and I could already see myself like bouncing around behind her, looking around her and over her looking for an exit lane. So I found a break in the traffic and 4 seconds and my bag bumping a small child later, I had passed her. Six seconds later she's standing next to me at the cross walk. One of the millions of situations where Allie Feels Like a Doofus, No One Even Noticed She Was There (But Still) and I Really Hate Slow Walkers.

A new category of people who presented themselves to me as pet peevable today are the Bathroom Teases. Ok, so say you're on line at a public bathroom, and you hear a flush from the second stall in. You automatically expect that stall door to open in 3, 2, 1...wait, no? What are they DOING in there? I've always been a fan of pee, wipe, pull up pants, adjust, flush, go. That way I'm not leading anyone on. The next person in line hears my flush and knows they're getting my stall and not that one next to me where there's a fat lady and you just sort of know it's going to smell. I just don't see the point (unless you've pooped, but that's courtesy flushing, which is a whole 'nother issue) of flushing then letting yourself be a pee-cloud receptacle while you lazily button your chinos. There were three stalls in question today, and the girl in front of me on line entered one right as the other two were flushing. So when no one came out of those two and girl in front of me came out a minute later, I tried to make eye contact with her like "Gosh WHOA what are they doing see how I got your stall and...and...you were right in front of me heh heh?" but she looked at me like "Bitch, you crazy" and washed her hands. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME (commence running up the stairs).

And that, my friends, is how I feel about that.