I've been so, so wrong.
I, like hmm 99% of the population, have gleefully laughed along with any and all jokes made about granny panties for most of my life. Well world, the joke is on us. Granny panties are the best thing to happen to underwear since breathable cotton crotches on silk thongs. And...sliced bread. Upon my announcement that I forgot underwear for our Rosh Hashanah trip to Rochester, my ever-generous grandma gave me a pair of her never-worn Bali briefs. And as should be embroidered on a sample in every home, Once You Go Granny Panty, You Never Go Back. Here is why:
1) Luxurious fabrics. I spent my Saturday rocking a smooth silk blend up to the tippy top of my belly button. How was your thin, chafing 47% cotton, oh little Victoria's Secret girls?
2) No crack attack. I bent over to pick up a fallen napkin at The Cheesecake Factory and did anyone see anything private? Why no, they simply saw a demure ivory swath of silky heaven. And clearly thought, "my goodness, that youngin has good taste." Also, extra coverage is perfect for those frigid New York winters.
3) No ride up. I could have moved all the furniture out of my house, spent 4 hours on an elliptical, scaled the Sears Tower, and those bad boys would not have crawled up a millimeter. Yet magically, the elastic wasn't anywhere near uncomfortably tight nor did it leave an unsightly red welt on my skin, even after I consumed my body weight in guacamole, cheese, pizza, chocolate cream pie and challah french toast.
And last but certainly not least:
4) Feeling an entirely new kind of sexy. First, forget that these once belonged to Grandma Bev. The 40s chic look of this pair of granny panties was so retro-awesome and if I can somehow come across a pointy cup bra and garters, my WWII-era pinup look will be complete and I will take the world by storm...under my clothes.
So ladies, forget your prejudices, forget your qualms, forget worrying about what guys will think. Buy yourselves a pair of rayon/silk blend lace-trimmed granny panties, slap on a smile and show the world what you're made of.
I, like hmm 99% of the population, have gleefully laughed along with any and all jokes made about granny panties for most of my life. Well world, the joke is on us. Granny panties are the best thing to happen to underwear since breathable cotton crotches on silk thongs. And...sliced bread. Upon my announcement that I forgot underwear for our Rosh Hashanah trip to Rochester, my ever-generous grandma gave me a pair of her never-worn Bali briefs. And as should be embroidered on a sample in every home, Once You Go Granny Panty, You Never Go Back. Here is why:
1) Luxurious fabrics. I spent my Saturday rocking a smooth silk blend up to the tippy top of my belly button. How was your thin, chafing 47% cotton, oh little Victoria's Secret girls?
2) No crack attack. I bent over to pick up a fallen napkin at The Cheesecake Factory and did anyone see anything private? Why no, they simply saw a demure ivory swath of silky heaven. And clearly thought, "my goodness, that youngin has good taste." Also, extra coverage is perfect for those frigid New York winters.
3) No ride up. I could have moved all the furniture out of my house, spent 4 hours on an elliptical, scaled the Sears Tower, and those bad boys would not have crawled up a millimeter. Yet magically, the elastic wasn't anywhere near uncomfortably tight nor did it leave an unsightly red welt on my skin, even after I consumed my body weight in guacamole, cheese, pizza, chocolate cream pie and challah french toast.
And last but certainly not least:
4) Feeling an entirely new kind of sexy. First, forget that these once belonged to Grandma Bev. The 40s chic look of this pair of granny panties was so retro-awesome and if I can somehow come across a pointy cup bra and garters, my WWII-era pinup look will be complete and I will take the world by storm...under my clothes.
So ladies, forget your prejudices, forget your qualms, forget worrying about what guys will think. Buy yourselves a pair of rayon/silk blend lace-trimmed granny panties, slap on a smile and show the world what you're made of.
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