People Who Are Rich And I Don't Know How: Kelly Taylor

Ok, first, I really need to fix up that there English in the title, especially after out-dorking even myself during Grammar Pet Peeves 101 at my first research methods class.

Anyway, let's examine the life of one Kelly Taylor from Beverly Hills, 90210. The original. Like that even needed to be said, harumph.
1) She is constantly shopping on Rodeo Drive/other select boutiques poor lil Brenda can't afford in season 1
2) Her strange art-deco house may be ugly as sin but still clearly cost a pretty penny and an even prettier fixed-rate mortgage (unless, of course, her mom was coked up when doing the paperwork and agreed to an ARM, in which case, bitch had it comin'. Oh, and the ugly fixed-rate mortgages have to sit alone at lunch, so my descriptive language is important)
3) HELLO JACKIE AND THE COKE/ALCOHOL BINGES

Now let's face the music. Jackie was a model once. Emphasis on the was...and once. Those minimal royalties ain't bringing home the bacon, unless, of course, she was the star of some truly iconic portrait, like the nurse getting smooched by the sailor in New York, although that would make her a weeee bit older than she appeared, eh?
Kelly's dad is rich, but once a woman remarries, her alimony payments end (not child support, so Kelly would still get a slim court-appointed stipend for clothes and sneaks and notebooks). As in, say bye-bye to that house, unless of course all her future husbands were equally rich, and then let's REALLY face the music, Jackie Taylor is the physical embodiment of pure genius.
So yeah, I think that with this highly academic, well-written and clear piece, I've proven that Kelly Taylor should have been perusing the racks at Caldor rather than Brenda, what with her two parents and stable lifestyle and dad in finance.

I should really, really work on clarifying arguments before I hand in my first paper.